i've reached a point in life
where i think my job is really damn dispensible
redundant
in fact, i've never thought much abt my appointment

they call it company 3IC
which means the 3rd in command basically
but sometimes
it just doesn't help
if u have equal experience as ur colleague
n given a higher appointment

anyway
i trained to be a platoon commander
it sucks to later not be able to apply what u use
n be confident abt it
it ends up that i have to take up a role i haven never been taught
a role anyone can take
a role that everyone can overrule n overwhelm
a role that has not much decision to make
but have to find others for decision
a role that is last minute created due to excess officers
a role that makes u feel SPARE

yeap that's me n my role

well sometimes i do feel myself itchy backside
if u give me a responsibility
don't expect me to sit still n let nothing happen
i'll go look for soemthing to do, something to settle
sitting down n wait is not my kind
but turns out
this role
u have to sit n wait sometimes
n it sucks to c things getting in ur way
but u can't make immediate decisions
cos though i'm the 3rd in command
conflict with 1st n 2nd in command still stands
yeap
n so wad is there to command after all?

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life is starting to become a bore
no motivation
no life
no sharing
no feeling of someone concerned abt u

it can be environment
it can be inner self

but in any case
there's no drive,
no purpose
productivity is all time low
memory is all time least
i guess its a form of depression
but something that we normally don't recognise.

i needa find back that stimulant
........soon

its long since i've seen them
pw, 4hao, kk, km
long since we've been together
long since we've sat together n laugh non stop about crap
n talking nonsensical nonsense which makes no sense
n has no purpose at all

yah no purpose at all
n its been long since i've sat down
do things that doesnt have a purpose
everything is done cos something have to be done

i'm sick n tired
tired of having to shoulder responsibilities
upholding image
everything that makes me not myself
everything that the society needs
everything that the other wants
everything that push u away from urself

i need a break
a break where my inner self can emerge to those around me
instead of the always on the ball
the always serious me

i miss being myself

today i witnessed what is called the clash of the titans
i'm in green n i'm amongst the blue
when home team vs defence team

i'm the only soldier around and is supposed to answer to a bunch of policemen with each 1 question
its become like an interview
there are times where 4 questions needs to be answered in 1 min.
1 person to answer to 5 people
1 person to answer for 10 over people
almost drove me mad
but no! i tahan!
ultimate tahan spirit!
though i'm expected to give answers
but i can't make decisions myself
some sort of messenger
but others are too busy
n i'm expected to help make decision
so some sort of middle man
wadever it is it just suck to sit down here n wait for answers
sit down here and wait to be questioned
neh mind, i strong!

well it's not the point

so how much do girls know abt the army?
sometimes, its really a waste that all girls know abt army
is chiong sua, book out/in, sergeant officer, boring, chao geng....
but they'll never know take cover/foxtrot romeo, , alert red, pc ps encik, comaradarie, seow on...

its a sector of a male's life in singapore that we won't forget
but unfortunately it is also something that the female counterparts won't understand
we can't blame any one in particular
sometimes guys don't tell so much
sometimes such topic can get boring

as much as we do not know about cosmetics
our lovely girls do not know about army
sometimes, to bridge the gap, we really needa communicate
which is not only talk
but have the patience to listen
which we often only have either

i guess that's y they came out with the book
Man are from Mars and Women are from Venus
lets hope one day we can all be from Earth